A secret about forgiveness in our relationships.

To forgive the people who apparently have caused us any harm is one of the main values that has been taught to us, however, have you ever observed which is the part of us that feels harmed? Where is it that we are really hurt?

There is a popular saying that we use when we have a love snub: ‘my heart is broken’.

It is true that we feel bad when someone insults us, but the truth is that we feel the aggression depending on our point of view of what they’re saying, what we think about it. 

The beliefs that we learned since we were kids tell us how things must be in our relationships; in love, in our work, and our family. This means that our beliefs determine what we think, how we feel, and therefore, how we act. 

Take a look at these questions. Do the people that you yell at and treat them in authoritarian way respect you or fear you? Are respect and fear the same? Now, are there people that respect you for the unconditional love and affection that you give them? 

What we just did was to break down a belief and see what it is made of, checking if the belief is real or not; If there are people that respect you for the love that you give, it means that you don’t need to yell at others to gain their respect. We act and see things conditioned by our beliefs. 

When we understand the above, do we really need to forgive other people for what they do?
When we talk about forgiveness we are accepting the fact that the other person did ‘something bad’ against us. But now that we know that people are just acting based on beliefs learned from family and society, we comprehend that they aren’t aware of what they are really doing. This is a great secret of freedom because resentment towards you and others dilutes.

From now on when a person yells at you, you know that she’s responding to a belief where she thinks she has to speak loud to be respected, this means that she’s looking for you to value her. We all have taken actions that hurt other people, but that wasn’t our real intention, we were just following our beliefs.  

A Chinese proverb says: ‘Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.’

When you feel bad for what a person did it is the belief what is hurt: ‘the beings that I love hurt me’. This is a belief, and it causes you emotional and physical pain. But the truth is that people don’t hurt you, it is you carrying thoughts and feelings that disturb you and take you out of your own peace.    

It is time to start looking at things from a new perspective, to understand what’s really going on behind the situations you live; achieving this awareness is greater than forgiveness, it binds you to the people you love, taking you back home and doing what you most like; living in harmony.

When we shift our thoughts our feelings shift, and when we do, it emerges from us a new attitude towards life, transforming the way how we relate to our work, with our family, with our couple and friends. 

This means that you are the creator of your daily life, of how you feel and what happens in your environment. Your outer world is a reflection of how your inner world is. 
Significa que eres el creador de tu día a día, de cómo te sientes y lo que pasa en tu entorno. Tu mundo exterior es un reflejo de cómo está tu mundo interior. 
Now go out to life and live the world from this new perspective. 

Bhairavinanda 
UNIVERSITY OF CONSCIOUSNESS
Founder & CEO
www.theuniversityofconsciousness.com
@theuniversityofconsciousness